1 00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:04,123 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:05,166 --> 00:00:07,656 Oh, I can't believe you saw Maggie 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:09,400 and her new boyfriend smoking cigarettes. 4 00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:11,373 Well, I'm just glad she wasn't smoking 5 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:15,280 because they just had... you know. 6 00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:18,826 She's too young to... you know. 7 00:00:18,116 --> 00:00:23,656 Believe me, kids nowadays are you-knowing before you know it. 8 00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:25,120 So what are you gonna do, tell Mr. Sheffield? 9 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:29,120 Oh, no. I could never betray Maggie's trust like that. 10 00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:31,830 Then she'd start telling on me. 11 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,153 No. I've got a better idea. 12 00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:36,323 I am going to let Mr. Sheffield 13 00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:39,470 catch me smoking right in front of Maggie. 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:44,000 Oh, Fran, that is a brilliant idea. 15 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:45,330 You don't get it, do you, Val? 16 00:00:46,366 --> 00:00:48,496 No. 17 00:00:48,830 --> 00:00:51,000 When Maggie sees Mr. Sheffield reaming me out, 18 00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:52,280 she's gonna be so petrified 19 00:00:52,316 --> 00:00:55,246 she's never gonna want to smoke again. 20 00:00:55,283 --> 00:00:57,173 Oh, here they come. 21 00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:03,383 Oh, boy, does this bring back memories. 22 00:01:03,416 --> 00:01:05,326 You miss smoking? 23 00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:06,660 No. 24 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,330 I miss you-knowing. 25 00:01:11,333 --> 00:01:13,483 Sweetheart, you want a cup of... 26 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,350 Miss Fine, what the devil are you doing? 27 00:01:16,383 --> 00:01:19,423 Oh, my God. Mr. Sheffield. 28 00:01:19,450 --> 00:01:23,220 I didn't expect you to come home and catch me. 29 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,330 Don't you hate when that happens? 30 00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:27,146 Have you lost your mind? 31 00:01:27,183 --> 00:01:29,133 Oh, I know. 32 00:01:29,166 --> 00:01:31,196 Smoking in front of the children? 33 00:01:31,233 --> 00:01:33,373 Oh, I know. 34 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,280 Well, I've always known you weren't too bright, 35 00:01:35,316 --> 00:01:37,476 but of all the stupid things you've ever done... 36 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,330 I... what'd you say? 37 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:43,833 You think I'm stupid? 38 00:01:43,116 --> 00:01:46,126 Well, I'd love to find some other explanation, 39 00:01:46,166 --> 00:01:48,346 but there doesn't seem to be one. 40 00:01:48,383 --> 00:01:51,103 Look, there may be somebody stupid in this room, 41 00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:53,503 but it sure ain't me. 42 00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:54,470 What did I do? 43 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,330 Wait, wait. Do you know who you are speaking to? 44 00:01:57,366 --> 00:01:59,326 Yeah. I'm speaking to the guy 45 00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,480 that if he doesn't take back what he just said, 46 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,120 he's gonna be looking for a nanny. 47 00:02:04,150 --> 00:02:06,470 I've been looking for one for the last three bloody years. 48 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,280 I am out of here. And Niles feels the same way, too. 49 00:02:10,316 --> 00:02:11,316 Tell him, Niles. 50 00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,120 Who loves you, baby? 51 00:02:19,283 --> 00:02:21,353 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 52 00:02:21,383 --> 00:02:24,233 SINGER:♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 53 00:02:24,266 --> 00:02:25,996 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 54 00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:27,280 ♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 55 00:02:27,316 --> 00:02:29,176 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 56 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,096 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 57 00:02:32,133 --> 00:02:35,663 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door ♪♪ 58 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:37,430 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪ 59 00:02:37,466 --> 00:02:39,316 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 60 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:43,100 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪ 61 00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:46,223 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described ♪♪ 62 00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:48,330 ♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 63 00:02:48,366 --> 00:02:50,116 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 64 00:02:50,150 --> 00:02:51,350 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 65 00:02:51,383 --> 00:02:53,103 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 66 00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:54,203 ♪♪ Such♪♪ 67 00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,003 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 68 00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:59,370 ♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 69 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,480 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 70 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,130 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪ 71 00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:08,656 [♪♪♪] 72 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,180 Um, Dad, if you and Fran split up, 73 00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:16,116 uh, who do we live with? 74 00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,380 Me, sweetheart. 75 00:03:17,416 --> 00:03:19,176 Oh. 76 00:03:19,216 --> 00:03:20,296 Find her! 77 00:03:23,330 --> 00:03:24,300 Dad, you know, I really just cannot believe 78 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,473 that you called her a moron, 79 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,330 threw her out in the snow without a winter coat. 80 00:03:27,366 --> 00:03:30,226 I did no such... who told you that? 81 00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,183 Does it really matter where the boy, 82 00:03:34,216 --> 00:03:37,116 who has aPlayboy in the hamper, heard it? 83 00:03:40,366 --> 00:03:42,996 I never said "moron." 84 00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:45,230 But you must admit she has done some things 85 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:48,656 that would qualify her as the fourth Stooge. 86 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:50,320 Shave him. 87 00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:58,446 All right. 88 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,430 You're the doctor. 89 00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:14,123 [HUMMING] 90 00:04:19,350 --> 00:04:21,000 What are you doing? 91 00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:24,273 Well, I have no idea. 92 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,170 I mean, the man has a slight five o'clock shadow, 93 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,330 but it's not like he's going to a bar mitzvah. 94 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,450 Shave him for surgery! 95 00:04:36,483 --> 00:04:39,473 Well, where do you want me to shave him? Oh! 96 00:04:43,830 --> 00:04:44,370 You know, I'll be back in a minute. 97 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,160 I have a girl that does a bikini wax. 98 00:04:48,183 --> 00:04:49,273 Now! 99 00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:01,453 Oh, all right. 100 00:05:38,466 --> 00:05:40,366 Bucking for a raise? 101 00:05:46,350 --> 00:05:48,430 Or perhaps she behaves the way she does, sir, 102 00:05:48,466 --> 00:05:50,126 because you intimidate her. 103 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:52,156 You're always yelling at her. 104 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,400 I most certainly am not. 105 00:05:54,433 --> 00:05:56,103 Miss Fine! 106 00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,353 Miss Fine! 107 00:05:57,383 --> 00:05:59,003 Miss Fine! 108 00:05:59,330 --> 00:06:00,500 Miss Fine! 109 00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:01,120 Miss Fine! 110 00:06:01,150 --> 00:06:04,450 You've got some 'splaining to do. 111 00:06:04,483 --> 00:06:07,453 [♪♪♪] 112 00:06:10,366 --> 00:06:14,316 Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go? 113 00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:17,270 Time flies when you're being unreasonable... 114 00:06:17,300 --> 00:06:19,230 Sir. 115 00:06:19,266 --> 00:06:22,216 Oh, how can anyone be expected to get any work done 116 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,200 without that door flying open 117 00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:26,273 and someone barging in? 118 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,330 Mr. Sheffield, I'm sorry to bother you, 119 00:06:30,660 --> 00:06:35,330 but we've got a problem, and, boy, you are never gonna guess this one. 120 00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,280 Niles, do you need to speak with me as well? 121 00:06:37,316 --> 00:06:39,246 Oh, no, sir. I simply wanted to be here 122 00:06:39,283 --> 00:06:41,133 in person for this one. 123 00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,433 Brighton was in gym class. 124 00:06:44,466 --> 00:06:46,316 And, well, when he looked around, 125 00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:50,350 compared to all the other boys, he's small. 126 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,170 Small? 127 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,000 You know, like in, petite. 128 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,400 Poquito. 129 00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:05,326 Gherkin. 130 00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,496 Hello, friend. 131 00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:15,160 You're sitting on John Malkovich. 132 00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,000 I don't hear him complaining. 133 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,480 You are going to rectify this situation. 134 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,000 -Wow! That sounds painful. -Mmm. 135 00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:28,433 Yes. 136 00:07:28,466 --> 00:07:30,396 Thanks to you, in eight weeks, 137 00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:35,123 the curtain goes up on a six-foot, 300-pound stage manager with a Mohawk 138 00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:39,000 singing, "Consider yourself one of us." 139 00:07:39,330 --> 00:07:43,330 Well, all right. What do you have in mind? 140 00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:44,330 You're gonna talk him back into the show. 141 00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,656 Oh, but Mr. Sheffield... 142 00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,000 No buts, Miss Fine. 143 00:07:48,330 --> 00:07:51,380 You are going to march yourself upstairs, put on something smashing, 144 00:07:51,416 --> 00:07:53,266 take him to the best restaurant in town, 145 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,330 and order the most expensive thing on the menu. 146 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:59,320 Well, all right, but I'm not taking the limo. 147 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:01,420 Oh, yes, you are. 148 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,473 Slave driver! 149 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:14,150 But there is no way you're gonna buy me a new dress. 150 00:08:15,150 --> 00:08:16,270 Get out! 151 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,426 Sir, it's obvious you miss Miss Fine. 152 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:23,126 She's probably at her mother's. 153 00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:24,216 Why don't you just call? 154 00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:28,146 I most certainly will not. 155 00:08:28,183 --> 00:08:30,483 Mr. Sheffield, I haven't heard from Fran 156 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,420 since you called her a brainless, big-haired shmegegi. 157 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,380 Fran is a very sensitive girl. 158 00:08:39,416 --> 00:08:42,196 You should take a lesson from me. 159 00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:44,133 I know how to talk to her. 160 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,200 Ma, these are not Fran's children. 161 00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:49,233 Fran doesn't have any children. 162 00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:51,476 She's not married. She's all alone. 163 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:57,123 Louder, ma. I don't think they heard you in Uruguay. 164 00:08:58,233 --> 00:09:01,833 Still, their side never did as well as us. 165 00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,196 What well? My daughter's a maid. 166 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,830 Nanny, ma. 167 00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:11,496 Never mind me. Have the party wherever you want. 168 00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:14,166 Oh, ma, you're just saying that 169 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:16,330 to try and make me feel guilty. 170 00:09:16,660 --> 00:09:19,280 I'm not trying to make you feel anything. 171 00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:22,126 Feel this. Is this a lump here? 172 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:30,433 I am so upset about this whole thing I can't even eat. 173 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,453 This is between you and my daughter. I don't like to mix in. 174 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,226 Miss Fine, I think you're very wise 175 00:09:40,266 --> 00:09:41,476 not to rush into this. 176 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,830 You're far too sensible a woman to marry a man you just... 177 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:45,176 [SHRIEKS] 178 00:09:45,216 --> 00:09:47,276 Oh, I'm sorry. 179 00:09:52,333 --> 00:09:56,323 Did this fork accidentally puncture your tuckus? 180 00:10:01,316 --> 00:10:04,496 Maxwell, is it true that you called 181 00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:08,130 Nanny Fine a witless, man-chasing floozy? 182 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,446 [SIGHING] I did no such thing. 183 00:10:10,483 --> 00:10:13,173 Oh, then it must have been me. 184 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,400 Oh, kidding aside. I am going to miss Nanny Fine. 185 00:10:19,433 --> 00:10:21,383 We were getting so close. 186 00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,103 I'll kill you! 187 00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,170 Sir. 188 00:10:38,316 --> 00:10:41,166 You want something, don't you? 189 00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:43,350 Nanny Fine wants something. 190 00:10:43,383 --> 00:10:46,383 Oh, yes! Yes! 191 00:10:46,416 --> 00:10:50,146 Oh, God, this is good! 192 00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,430 Are you done? 193 00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:02,176 You want to have a ciggy butt and cuddle now? 194 00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:08,330 Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, 195 00:11:08,660 --> 00:11:10,270 did you find that a sad moment 196 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,280 at all? 197 00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,303 Well, I, for one, hope she comes back soon. 198 00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:27,483 I don't like wandering around the house alone. 199 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:30,130 I can never think of anything to do. 200 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:39,300 [LIP-SYNCHING] SINGER:♪♪ Just take them old records off the shelf ♪♪ 201 00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:43,403 ♪♪ I'll sit and listen to them by myself ♪♪ 202 00:11:43,433 --> 00:11:47,333 ♪♪ Today's music ain't got the same soul ♪♪ 203 00:11:47,366 --> 00:11:51,266 ♪♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪♪ 204 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:55,100 ♪♪ Don't try to take me to a disco ♪♪ 205 00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:59,503 ♪♪ You'll never even get me out on the floor ♪♪ 206 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:02,420 ♪♪ In ten minutes I'll be late for the door ♪♪ 207 00:12:02,450 --> 00:12:06,430 ♪♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪♪ 208 00:12:06,466 --> 00:12:10,246 ♪♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪♪ 209 00:12:10,283 --> 00:12:14,323 ♪♪ That kind of music just soothes the soul ♪♪ 210 00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:17,420 ♪♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪♪ 211 00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:24,233 You realize, of course, now I'm going to have to kill you. 212 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,470 I'm not apologizing, Niles. I happen to be right. 213 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,200 Well, if she doesn't come back 214 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,133 until we find a new nanny, 215 00:12:39,166 --> 00:12:40,426 you can take care of the children. 216 00:12:40,466 --> 00:12:41,446 [DOORBELL RINGS] 217 00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,123 Oh, dear God, 218 00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:44,270 please let that be her. 219 00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:47,303 Please, please, please. 220 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,473 Oh, Yetta. 221 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,300 Yetta, what happened? 222 00:12:51,333 --> 00:12:54,253 We found her wandering around on Queens Boulevard. 223 00:12:54,283 --> 00:12:56,663 She says she lives here. 224 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,420 Play along. It's cheaper than a cab. 225 00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:02,166 Officer, thank goodness you're here. 226 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,000 Look, our nanny is missing. 227 00:13:04,330 --> 00:13:05,380 She stormed out of the house this morning, 228 00:13:05,416 --> 00:13:07,266 and we haven't heard a word since. 229 00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:11,430 She got upset when he called her a gorgeous sexy vixen 230 00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:14,156 he couldn't live without. 231 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,150 I never said that. 232 00:13:16,116 --> 00:13:18,826 Don't you wish you had? 233 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,226 If she's still missing after 48 hours, 234 00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:22,396 call the precinct. 235 00:13:22,433 --> 00:13:24,153 We'll send someone right over. 236 00:13:24,183 --> 00:13:26,663 Send Officer Kertz. 237 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,280 We listen to Howard Stern together. 238 00:13:30,233 --> 00:13:34,373 Meanwhile, it looks like I'm sleeping over. 239 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:38,100 Well, Yetta, our door is always open for you. 240 00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:40,476 FRAN: [EXCLAIMS] 241 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,660 [GASPS] 242 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,500 Oh, my God. Yetta. 243 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:51,350 What a coincidence. 244 00:13:51,383 --> 00:13:54,453 Saul said the same thing not 10 minutes ago. 245 00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:01,120 What the devil's burning? 246 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:02,170 Oh, God. 247 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:05,660 Oh, Saul, I ruined your bagel. 248 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,320 Oh, no, no. 249 00:14:07,350 --> 00:14:10,330 You could just scrape off the top. It's still good. 250 00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,350 What did you do with all the cream cheese? 251 00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:26,283 Yetta, you didn't drop anything under the table and go look for it, did you? 252 00:14:26,316 --> 00:14:30,276 One time, just to see if I still had it. 253 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:38,000 Oh, God. That was you? 254 00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:45,170 That was you? 255 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:50,500 Wait till you get a load of the chick I fixed him up with. Ta-da! 256 00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,446 I'm sorry I'm late. 257 00:14:57,483 --> 00:15:02,503 I had to dig up a brassiere that hooks in the front. 258 00:15:05,150 --> 00:15:07,120 What? No good? 259 00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:14,316 [GIGGLING] That was nice. 260 00:15:14,350 --> 00:15:16,130 Do you want a cigarette? 261 00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:19,166 No, no. I told you I quit. 262 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,300 Here, put those away before my dad walks in. 263 00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,003 I'd like to live long enough 264 00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:26,250 to see if Ross and Rachel actually get together. 265 00:15:26,283 --> 00:15:29,503 Boy, your dad catching Fran really freaked you out. 266 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,400 Yeah. It's almost like they set this whole thing up 267 00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:34,003 to scare me out of smoking. 268 00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:36,330 Oh, no, they couldn't have, though. 269 00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:38,160 My dad's a really bad actor. 270 00:15:43,330 --> 00:15:45,500 -Niles. Psst! Niles. -Mmm-hmm? 271 00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:48,180 -Do you think... -That Miss Fine allowed you to catch her smoking 272 00:15:48,216 --> 00:15:50,426 simply to teach Miss Margaret a lesson that would be more effective 273 00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,246 than you screaming at her, thereby breaking her of a disgusting habit 274 00:15:53,283 --> 00:15:56,153 and keeping your fragile relationship intact? 275 00:15:57,216 --> 00:15:58,996 Yes. That. 276 00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:01,180 Well, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. 277 00:16:01,216 --> 00:16:04,226 She does have a certain unique way of dealing with the children. 278 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:07,830 Okay. Well, we gotta make Maggie beautiful. 279 00:16:07,116 --> 00:16:08,446 Yeah. Like that's gonna happen. 280 00:16:08,483 --> 00:16:10,503 Shut up, Brighton. 281 00:16:10,830 --> 00:16:12,830 Hey, be nicer to your sister. 282 00:16:12,116 --> 00:16:13,426 Why? Because we're a family? 283 00:16:13,466 --> 00:16:15,126 Yes, that's right. 284 00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:18,146 And someday your father's gonna be old and sick. 285 00:16:18,183 --> 00:16:20,373 You're gonna want him to live with her. 286 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,173 Everything you need to know about a man, 287 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,270 you can find right in his cart. 288 00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:31,000 If there's a box of Midol, keep moving. 289 00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,370 Corn pads means he lives with his mother. 290 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,400 Learned that the hard way. 291 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,273 And if you see two guys 292 00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:41,430 with sweaters tied around their necks buying pesto, 293 00:16:41,466 --> 00:16:43,996 save yourself the pain. 294 00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:47,103 What about him? 295 00:16:47,133 --> 00:16:51,403 Hmm. Let's see. Cabbage, chili, refried beans. 296 00:16:51,433 --> 00:16:53,333 [EXCLAIMING] One dinner with him 297 00:16:53,366 --> 00:16:56,996 and you'll spend the rest of the night blaming the dog. 298 00:16:59,266 --> 00:17:01,156 How could you embarrass me like that? 299 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,280 What's going on? 300 00:17:02,316 --> 00:17:05,826 That-- That boy was mauling her on the balcony. 301 00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:06,246 It was just a kiss. 302 00:17:06,283 --> 00:17:07,473 He kissed you? 303 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,660 Yeah. 304 00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,380 [SQUEALING] 305 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:14,216 Your first kiss. That's so exciting. 306 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:16,220 [GASPS] Let me get the camera. 307 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,500 Oh, God, Niles, what have I done? 308 00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:21,500 Well, let's see. 309 00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:22,270 You insulted her intelligence... 310 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,380 It was a rhetorical question, Niles. 311 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:27,376 What-- What would you do if someone was missing? 312 00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,176 Well, that depends on who it is. 313 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,996 If it were Miss Babcock, 314 00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:32,480 well, you know how much I love her. 315 00:17:33,366 --> 00:17:35,166 I wouldn't be caught dead in that dress. 316 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,000 You'd have to be dead six months to fit into it. 317 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:42,833 He wants these contracts in London by morning. 318 00:17:42,116 --> 00:17:43,266 Well, here, hop on. 319 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,330 With the time difference, you'll just make it. 320 00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:49,416 Unwanted dirt just slides right off. 321 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:57,330 Why? I want to die. 322 00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,220 There, there, now, don't do anything rash. 323 00:18:03,433 --> 00:18:07,003 Maggie, go see if you can find some bottles. 324 00:18:07,330 --> 00:18:10,350 Niles, do we have any old nipples around the house? 325 00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:12,123 Hello, hello. 326 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:19,330 All right, Niles, I give up. 327 00:18:19,660 --> 00:18:21,500 Look, since Miss Fine is so damned smart, 328 00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:22,380 if I were missing, what would she do? 329 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:26,280 Well, knowing our little Margie, 330 00:18:26,316 --> 00:18:28,166 she'd run next door to Roger Clinton's 331 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,160 and have him call the FBI. 332 00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:34,220 Oh, don't be absurd. No one in their right mind's gonna... 333 00:18:34,250 --> 00:18:35,450 -I'll get my coat. -I'll get my coat. 334 00:18:39,830 --> 00:18:40,250 [DOORBELL RINGING] 335 00:18:40,283 --> 00:18:42,283 -Hello, Maxwell. -Hello, Roger. I'm desperate. 336 00:18:42,316 --> 00:18:45,096 Do you have any contacts in the FBI? 337 00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:48,153 I'm sorry, Max. I can't fix any more parking tickets. 338 00:18:49,133 --> 00:18:51,333 No. Miss Fine ran out of the house this morning. 339 00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:52,420 I can't find her anywhere. 340 00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,430 Well, I heard you called her a... 341 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,326 No, no, that's what Newt's mama called my sister-in-law. 342 00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:02,176 You know, Newt's lucky Bill even let him on that plane. 343 00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,466 I'd have made him fly Continental. 344 00:19:06,830 --> 00:19:10,200 Chelsea, honey, I know exactly what you're going through. 345 00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,253 Miss Fine, what the... 346 00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:12,383 [SHUSHING] 347 00:19:13,150 --> 00:19:16,270 Yeah, sweetie. You don't know whether the boys like you for you 348 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,500 or because of who your father is. 349 00:19:19,830 --> 00:19:24,660 Look, my father was the president of the Jewish Auto Mechanics Club. 350 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:27,200 Well, it wasn't a very large group. 351 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,003 FRAN: Let me talk to your mother. 352 00:19:29,330 --> 00:19:31,330 Hillary's looking for a new nanny for Chelsea. 353 00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:34,326 Wow! You'll pay me that much? 354 00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:35,426 I'll match it. 355 00:19:35,466 --> 00:19:38,426 And my room will be in the East Wing? 356 00:19:38,466 --> 00:19:41,166 New carpets, new-- new drapes. 357 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,470 Oh, I'll get to meet Barbra? 358 00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:46,120 Oh, Walters. 359 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,330 I'm-- I'm sorry for what I said. 360 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:51,320 I really am. And-- And you're right. 361 00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:54,170 I... I was the stupid one. 362 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,480 Hold on a minute, Hil. 363 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,280 Please, Miss Fine, please come back. 364 00:19:58,316 --> 00:20:01,346 You know the children love you, and I... 365 00:20:01,383 --> 00:20:03,183 I... 366 00:20:03,216 --> 00:20:06,366 Well, I mean, we were getting so close. 367 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,470 Close? 368 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,330 Well, in a, in a strictly professional way. 369 00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:12,660 Yeah, right. 370 00:20:35,350 --> 00:20:37,000 Uh, Miss Fine... 371 00:20:37,330 --> 00:20:38,370 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, 372 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,500 you want to play that game. Okay. 373 00:20:42,830 --> 00:20:44,420 You're the boss, and I'm the nanny. 374 00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:48,450 You give me a raise, and I'll give you one. 375 00:20:50,333 --> 00:20:51,383 Stop it! 376 00:20:53,366 --> 00:20:55,476 Stop it, Miss Fine. We're in your mother's house. 377 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,280 So? The couch has protection. 378 00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,420 Hillary, on second thought, 379 00:21:01,450 --> 00:21:03,420 I thank you for the job offer, 380 00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:05,370 but I'm gonna have to take a pass. 381 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:09,300 I just remembered something my old boss could give me that you can't. 382 00:21:10,433 --> 00:21:12,223 Oh? 383 00:21:12,250 --> 00:21:14,330 Fran, I'm gay. 384 00:21:14,366 --> 00:21:16,826 [GASPING] 385 00:21:17,830 --> 00:21:19,270 You're gay? 386 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:22,160 Oh, thank God. 387 00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:33,146 Uh. 388 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,330 Uh, I'm letting go and you're not. Why? 389 00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:44,183 Hillary, honey, it's very flattering, 390 00:21:44,216 --> 00:21:47,196 but I just can't do it. 391 00:21:47,233 --> 00:21:51,833 Honey, all right, already. 392 00:21:51,116 --> 00:21:53,196 Oh. Miss Fine. 393 00:21:53,233 --> 00:21:57,333 Hillary, this is getting embarrassing, babe. 394 00:21:57,366 --> 00:21:58,396 Miss Fine. 395 00:22:00,830 --> 00:22:04,100 What? Camp David on the holy days? 396 00:22:04,133 --> 00:22:06,503 Miss Fine! 397 00:22:07,183 --> 00:22:08,483 Gotta go, Hillary. 398 00:22:10,116 --> 00:22:14,426 Letting you think I was talking to the First Lady, that was smart. 399 00:22:14,466 --> 00:22:18,326 Forgetting to plug the phone in, stupid. 400 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,270 [EXCLAIMS] 401 00:22:22,116 --> 00:22:24,146 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 402 00:22:42,166 --> 00:22:45,116 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]